I was dreading the end of my maiden years, thinking this was the norm until I recently spoke with friends and got varied responses. Some agreed it was an angst-ridden time but others had the opposite reaction. “Thank God they said. I’m done with the objectification… although being invisible takes a little getting used to.”
“Really? You mean we can actually be okay with this whole passage of time thing.”
I’m learning that one of the keys to being an older woman is accepting our multi-dimensionality and complexity, which includes the rich experiences of both our bodies and minds. There is so much good stuff here to work with if I choose to believe it. If I choose to believe in myself…
In a culture that stresses certain proscribed physical attributes as a barometer of desirability, how far have we come in the 21st century and how do we age gracefully? How do we impart the wisdom of our seasoned stories, our hard won lessons of self-acceptance and gratitude to the next generation? I have only seedlings of my newly blossomed experiences to share for now.
I’m in the middle of reading Angeles Arrien’s book, “The Second Half of Life” and beginning to consciously enter the gates of transformation and rebirth of which she speaks and challenge myself to embody greater self-acceptance and honor my growth. Who am I anyway?
This shift in my perspective as I approached my fiftieth year, seeing it as an opportunity for radical change, was rapid. I was blindly perpetuating a cultural worldview when there were other roadmaps to follow. Transitioning to ‘full frontal midlife’ became a transformational experience, to be open to exploring my life once again; with the wonder of a child, a someone in progress, still unfolding, with many more discoveries to come and gifts to share.
There will be many seasons to garden, to create new life in my vegetable patch to nourish myself and family.
There are many more stories to write, ideas to paint, music with which to sing and dance.
There are many souls I’m looking forward to meeting and counseling, joining them as they honor me with the sacred trust of holding their stories close to my heart. Together we will share and collaborate in our sessions, talking about self-compassion, acceptance, forgiveness, and dreams as beacons shining on answers to life’s questions.
There is still a lot more creative juice to squeeze out of this life.
Joan Erikson, wife of the psychologist Erik Erikson, talks about her philosophy of life in Joan Anderson’s biographical and autobiographical book “A Walk on the Beach”. Erickson reminds us that our lives are constantly created through our actions, life happens through each act of ‘doing’ in which we consciously engage in the world. Our life stories can be rewritten each day by engaging in the world, sometimes beyond our comfort level, and allowing the future to happen; not yet knowing who we will meet, nor whom we will become.
There is no age limit on this lifestyle perspective.
With mindful acceptance of life’s challenges I can create new stories about my Self. I can make choices about who I am with an awakened quality, independent of the opinion of others. Yet first I must spend time with this self, quietly.
Again and again and again.
Through meditation practice, I am allowing thoughts to flow through my mind, noticing how hard it is to just be still and then once again return to my breath.
I battle the constant stream of stories with curiosity. Haven’t I heard this one before? I smile and once again go back to my breath.
I am not my thoughts.
Meditation allows us to practice being. By allowing ourselves to just be, observing our discursive thoughts as they come and go and then gently returning to the breath – this is the practice of meditation. No self-judgments necessary – since this is what the mind does.
At any age…
May I have gratitude for a working mind and body.
May I have gratitude for a life of love and ease.
May I have gratitude for the comforts of home, the laughter of good friends.
There is no age limit for this perspective. Life is a work in progress. I’m off to work.
